One Mom's Personal Journey...Back To Herself!

R1 VLCD 14 170.2 (-.6) Come on 160's!
I am so excited that I am a hair from seeing the 160's. Woo hoo! I looked back at my original start weight from last April and I have lost 28 lbs now. I want to start focusing on setting goals. Short term: I think the "Weight Watchers" method of setting a 5% mini goal works for me so I am setting my next goal at 162 for my birthday 2 weeks from today. Also this week I want to start doing treadmill so mini goal of 15 minutes a day on that.

Long term: I have been wanting to do a dream board collage to kick off setting my post maternity goals. You know, collect magazine images of my dream goals so I can stare at them every day and sigh, ahhhhh! Things like re-establishing my career, pole dancing fit class, running a 5k and riding a motorcycle to Key West. My own motorcycle - not sitting on the back of my husband's staring at the back of his head! I want the panoramic view and my own bugs baby!
R1 VLCD 13 170.8 (-1.2) Strawberry TOM
So happy I'm down more today. Yesterday I stalled at 172 and I think it was because of the strawberries or TOM. I am allergic to strawberries and I still suspect allergies play a big role in my weight loss. Think I will research that more. TOM is on it's way out. See ya! Not helping my cause. :(

I was in a real pisser mood yesterday and I struggled with my thoughts and attitude.  (Stall = an "event that triggers a mood" as learned in a stress management class I took.) Can't emphasize enough how much mental fortitude this diet takes. You get spoiled when the scale inches down every morning. If you don't get that little morning weight loss buzz it can be discouraging. So Spoiled! I added some inspirational blogs to follow when I need the boost. I really like the Zen Habits blog and used it yesterday!

I spent a significant amount of time on the phone yesterday calling about the stupid order I put in last June to get my birth certificate for a passport. I was on hold for 30 min before being told that they didn't know what happened and the order just didn't get sent. (Not my first call) The rep also told me that my form was now too old and I needed to go get it notarized again! Talk about steam coming out of my ears. Seriously, don't piss on my dreams for a Caribbean vacation with my new thin physique! I am me - give me my f'in birth certificate! In the end the rep gave me her direct line and helped get everything resolved. I called her boss to say she did a great job. Keeping it Zen. (Grrrr!)
R1 VLCD 11 172 (-.4) Feeling Inspired Today

I had a good 30 minutes to sit and peruse the Sunset (West) magazine last night while sipping on chamomile tea. (Husband at Krav Maga and baby went to bed early, yea!) I was very inspired by an article I read about the "Vegetable King" Chef Jeremy Fox and his restaurant in Napa called Ubuntu (Ubuntunapa.com). He has his own garden and believes in cooking and eating vegetables in a whole natural state, skin and all. I'm not a vegetarian but I certainly appreciate the philosophy and rather enjoy eating a vegetarian meal that is full of fresh natural ingredients. Since "going organic" with my daughter I have personally experienced the benefits.

I am so excited that we just planned a trip to Napa/San Francisco and I am going to challenge myself to seek out this restaurant and try it. Words cannot describe how much I adore this area. It is truly romantic and full of beauty. I remember our first visit, I just fell in love! I will never forget the morning that I arose early and snuck out leaving snoring bear behind in bed (not an early riser). I grabbed a cup of java at Starbucks and took off on a road I didn't know, to explore. (Obviously before baby - now I sneak out with her.)

I was floating down the back country road, Americano in hand, Sinatra crooning in the background (can't remember the song - who cares they are all magical), and then I popped up over this little hill and there it was. Boom, the sun burst through the fog that was gently rolling down the vineyard covered hills. Sun and fog combined to make the most glorious rays that spilled over lavender and mustard fields. Hot air balloons silently hovered - so many I couldn't count. They too were illuminated by the sun and their colors burst to life. I gasped! It was so magnificent I purposely paused and etched it into my memory.

I have been spending more time lately trying to recall what inspires me, what are my passions? Hopes and dreams? Telling myself I need to be bold. I need to seize opportunities. Live life! The great thing about taking care of my health is that it enables me to do that and also gives me confidence. If you are reading this - please join me. What inspires you?
R1 VLCD 10 172.4 (-.8)
Weight slowly dropping during TOM but still going down so yea! I had a busy weekend running around and spending time with my lovely niece ;). We laughed on our long drive when a truck passed us with giant pics of ding dongs and Twinkies and I threatened to run it off the road. So mean! Traveling can be tough on a diet but I did really well with my food and just tried to stick with chicken, lettuce and apples. Although I did have sashimi when we all went out for sushi. I didn't touch the CA rolls they were eating. So hard! I love sushi.
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R1 VLCD 7 173.2 (-.8)
You get so spoiled with the 1+ lb losses in the beginning. I am realizing more and more the psychological fortitude required for this diet. So glad I read all the blogs so I have a better understanding of what will happen.

I have been trying to make my blog pretty and the template is giving me heck! boo hoo :(....
R1 VLCD 6 174.0 (-.2)
Not as much of a loss today but TOM is coming. Total loss week one since loading is 7.8 lbs. Prior to load I was at 178.8 but I will focus on the bigger number since it motivates me! Also tinkered with a mid range dose yesterday and I have decided to stay at the dose I was taking on the day I felt great. I have a better chance of sticking to this if I am feeling good and fatigue or crankiness isn't affecting my daughter. I'm going to shift my focus to personal goals next week while I ride out TOM!
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R1 VLCD 5 174.2 (-1.2)
Woke up feeling great! Fatigue and starvation are gone. So glad I raised my dosage. Such a difference between now and when I was starving/fatigued. I get normal hunger throughout the day easily satiated with green tea or 1/2 an apple. At meals I am stuffed. Yea!
Had a wonderful day!
I feel so much better and had such a great day! I did chores, went to Costco, Starbucks and took my girl to play at the park. (She said "I really like you mama" today.) I was not starving at all! I had to intentionally finish my meals. Just goes to show that you may have to play with the dosage to get it correct for your own body. I am so glad I did not give up!
R1 VLCD 4 175.4 - Gonna need some tweaking!
I had a very rough day yesterday. I was starving and fatigued. Very crabby and on the couch all day. My daughter wasn't happy with me - she asked me if I was sad! I felt terrible after that and I couldn't take it anymore. It took all my will power not to hit the kitchen and totally binge! I deliberately ate some protein - 3 Tablespoons of peanut butter, while I boiled an egg. (Ok...and a gluten free cookie) I took a multivitamin and an epsom salt bath. I'm shocked I still lost 1.2 lbs.


Potency was definitely off. I talked to my friend and referenced "starving" in the yahoo group. All advice pointed to upping my dosage, so I did. I took an extra part of a syringe last night to "catch up" and also so I wouldn't wake up starving. I woke up feeling so much better. I took a heavier dosage this morning too. I also took a multivitamin after an apple and melba toast....then I gagged immediately after. Note to self - save the vitamin until after lunch!


I am feeling much better today. I had lunch and didn't get sick so it was definitely the vitamin on an empty stomach. I have so much more energy, I'm not hungry and I became full quickly when eating lunch. I had to make myself finish. I feel great now and on track! What a difference!


(I have to admit some coaching would be nice! The delay in my shipping and also recieving the wrong mixing instructions has made this process harder on me. The people I ordered from had a death in the family and they had time off and then someone was covering shipping.)
R1 VLCD 3 176.6
Down 1lb this morning. Starving! Yesterday my husband sat next to me on the couch and his breath smelled like maple. I said "be gone with you!" and made him leave. I'm going to wait until I get through my first week and see if I am still starving. My friend said her mixing instructions were different than mine and she wasn't hungry at all. She didn't have to do an entire syringe for her injection due to the "mini" mixing instructions. I'm considering mixing my second batch and ordering more.
hCG is here!
It has been a busy weekend. My hCG arrived on Thursday. I laughed at my myself, after such anticipation, I opened the box and pulled out a package of syringes.....GULP! I thought "am I really going to inject myself with this stuff?" I waited until my daughter went to bed and then re-read all the mixing instructions and watched a video on it before I got up the nerve to go mix....at 10:30pm.

I want to be honest in saying that I thought it was a pain in the butt to have to pull and transfer 25 syringes of bacteriostatic water to the mixing vile and then fill 25 syringes. After I was done transfering the hCG and water to the mixing vile I paused for a moment and looked at the vial. I thought "huh...in my hand is a little vile that can possibly make me lose 30 pounds in a month...amazing." I went to bed at midnight exhausted from the nervousness of handling my kit and hoping I did everything correctly.

The next morning I woke up and crept quietly out of bed tip toeing down the hall so I didn't wake up my girl. I got the syringe out of the mini fridge we have upstairs. I went into the bathroom to do my first injection. I didn't give myself permission to freak out. Mind over matter! I grabbed my belly roll, plunged the needle in and emptied the contents of the syringe into my flesh. Dam...... that was easy! It was the first injection I had ever done so I wasn't sure about it. I guess the thing is the needle is so sharp that it makes it easy and it just feels like a little pin prick.

Ok, I am on my way. Now I have to load...

*Follow up: I later learned that there are mini-mixing instructions to follow and the supplier did not send a "mixing syringe". It didn't need to be this hard.
Starting Pounds and Inches 181.2 lbs / 178.8 lbs prior to load
Catching up after a busy weekend. I am surprised I lost the load weight that fast!

Inches:
RA 14.5
LA 14
RL 24 1/8
LL 23 3/4
W 35 3/4
H 42 1/2
C 41 1/4

Pounds:
R1 Load 1 178.8
R1 Load 2 181.2
R1 VLCD 1 179.6
R1 VLCD 2 177.6
Going Organic!
Oh the humanity! I am still waiting for my hCG and trying to keep my own hype and excitement up. I was hoping to load on Superbowl Sunday but no such luck. Not that I didn't end up doing a pre-load....um....load. At the party I controlled myself, for a moment. For at least two trips to the food abyss. I tip toed around. Snuck up and ate a couple carrots, etc. Then wham! I tripped over 2 cups of Merlot (via dixie cup) and soon after did my best swan dive into the deep end of the "all you can eat buffet". (More like a belly flop.)

I always pay when I do that. I have been paying all week. I woke up with hands, joints and feet aching. Eczema broken out on my face and hands. The joint pain started after my first pregnancy (along with a gallbladder attack). I have always had allergies but they have really kicked in. Unfortunately my daughter has them too. After her second birthday they became so severe. She was covered in rash and hyperactive. She had bouts of diarrhea and vomiting. She couldn't sleep very well. (Little nursing co-sleeper - don't give me crap about it!)

It took a lot of work to figure out what to do to help her. There is nothing worse than seeing your baby suffer! The naturopath helped the most. Main stream medicine only suggested cortisone and did nothing to prevent her reactions. She is on an elimination diet with no dairy, wheat/gluten, eggs, corn, sugar and peanuts. There are many foods she only eats very occasionally and in moderation. She takes vitamin D, antihistamine, probiotics, fish oil and epsom salt baths. Since I was nursing I did it too. Guess what? Not only did it help her it cleared up my allergies, joint pain, gallbladder attacks, etc.

Taking care of my daughter taught me to take better care of myself. I am no longer nursing but I have not gone back to my old way of eating. The physical discomfort reinforces that decision every time I cheat. Best of all I stopped packing on weight and started to slowly lose weight! I am so happy that the way I have been eating will dove tail into the hCG diet before and after. These changes are not going to be a huge leap for me.

I shop at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's now for 90% of our food. Some of the things I love to eat now are organic foods and food such as kale, bok choy, tofu, hummus, soy ice cream, foods made with alternative grains, agave, coconut oil, and without preservatives and hormones. I avoid chemical sugar substitutes. I drink green tea and coffee with soy milk. I use agave if I want it sweet. (I will miss the soy milk and agave on hCG. I secretly suck agave shots straight from the bottle if I have a major sweet tooth.)

I don't have to worry as much about going back to old eating habits. This time I changed my habits and now I am going to dump the weight! I am optimistic that my health will forever be improved. My daughter will never be hooked on junk/fast food and hopefully won't have to go through what I have been through. I am looking forward to focusing on fitness more and setting goals like running my first 5k.

This is the short of it. I wanted to write about why I eat like this, what my hopes are and to also say that two of my favorite resources for recipes and inspiration are glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com and babycakesnyc.com. Cheers to these ladies!
Hurry Up HCG!
I have lost 20 lbs since May 2009. I'm proud of that but I need to keep going. I'm inspired, by a friend and all of the HCG blogs, to try HCG. I ordered the product and now I am waiting for it to come in the mail ....waiting....waiting. (I'm not a patient person.) This is driving me nuts!

In truth it has only been 5 days. I have been obsessively stalking everyone since ordering...my friend, the mail "person", HCG bloggers, websites and even youtube documentaries. It's given me a thorough understanding of what has worked for everyone and what hasn't. My observations: you have to do the load days, cheating really sets you back, steak and apple days help if you cheated or stall, drinking fluids is really important- flavored stevia water and smooth move/green teas help, and take your measurements along with daily weighing. Also important, going as long as you can on your first round and making sure you follow the whole protocol without deviation.

Reading everyone's blogs has helped me immensely. Especially to be mentally prepared. I have gone from skeptic to enthusiast in the last couple of weeks. I am so excited to think that I can really lose 30 lbs in the first round. If you guys hadn't journaled your own exsperiences I wouldn't have believed that! So thank you.

The thing I am looking forward to most is being more active and pursuing my own FUN again. My birthday is coming up and I am planning on rewarding myself with a skiing lesson after round 1. I haven't gone skiing in almost 12 years! I used to ski on my face most of the way down the mountain - hence the lessons! I hope my old ski pants are so baggy they fall off and I moon everyone on the bunny slope! Gasp! I might have to ditch the grammy panties and hit Victoria Secret again!!!!! Maybe they won't give me the "your too fat to fit our merchandise stare". Oh holy day of days!

Seriously, mail "peeps" where are you? .....waiting