So an update and a mishap....
I went out on a date with my husband Friday night to an 80's VJ night. We got a really nice room so we didn't have to worry about driving. The next day we had a wonderful breakfast and went to see Iron Man II before picking Lauren up.
It was such a blast. I hadn't danced like that in so long. All the music was 80's dance music and everyone knew and sang all the words. It is so funny how you can just dance in a group of total strangers and everyone will smile and laugh and no one cares that you don't know each other.
My husband kept getting too hot and walking off to go cool down but I didn't want to stop dancing because it is such a rare opportunity for us to get out. I kept sneaking back out by myself. At one point he got pissed and I just told him - "look, you only live once and I don't get out that often so I am going to make the most of it and I don't give a shit if you are hot. I will just go dance until you come back." It worked out fine that way. I never would have done that when I was younger.
I did blow my diet but I didn't care. I'm back on track.
An Unfortunate Event: apparently my mom saw my blog. In her opinion it was intentional. She doesn't understand how the URL address bar and cookies works. She thought I left it on her computer to purposely hurt her. My sister, brother, father and niece all explained how the address just stays there after you have been on the website- she didn't listen and didn't care. She was going to grill my niece about it so I called her to own it. It is my blog and I didn't want her grilling my niece. I managed to block my blog before she read all the posts. She only saw the last couple.
On the phone she just screamed a long hysterical tirade of mean nasty words, I caught "you finagling little bitch, how dare you come to my house and leave that up on my computer, I'm done with you, don't you ever come over here again", blah, blah. Apparently she had been obsessing about the clean up of hoarding downstairs also and I was told that she blamed it on me and thought I was the one who planned it. So the blog didn't help nor did the fact that we booked a vacation rental for when my sister comes to visit without consulting her. The sad thing is we were going to take her on a mother daughter spa day when we were there.
So I have been mulling over the years of verbal, mental and physical abuse from her. I realise I am just done. After your entire family has an intervention with you and asks you to get help - and you won't - there isn't much left. (Going to counseling for a few appointments and not owning your own crap doesn't count. )
There is a limit. I just reached mine. It's funny her counselor said the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I understand what that means now.
I went out on a date with my husband Friday night to an 80's VJ night. We got a really nice room so we didn't have to worry about driving. The next day we had a wonderful breakfast and went to see Iron Man II before picking Lauren up.
It was such a blast. I hadn't danced like that in so long. All the music was 80's dance music and everyone knew and sang all the words. It is so funny how you can just dance in a group of total strangers and everyone will smile and laugh and no one cares that you don't know each other.
My husband kept getting too hot and walking off to go cool down but I didn't want to stop dancing because it is such a rare opportunity for us to get out. I kept sneaking back out by myself. At one point he got pissed and I just told him - "look, you only live once and I don't get out that often so I am going to make the most of it and I don't give a shit if you are hot. I will just go dance until you come back." It worked out fine that way. I never would have done that when I was younger.
I did blow my diet but I didn't care. I'm back on track.
An Unfortunate Event: apparently my mom saw my blog. In her opinion it was intentional. She doesn't understand how the URL address bar and cookies works. She thought I left it on her computer to purposely hurt her. My sister, brother, father and niece all explained how the address just stays there after you have been on the website- she didn't listen and didn't care. She was going to grill my niece about it so I called her to own it. It is my blog and I didn't want her grilling my niece. I managed to block my blog before she read all the posts. She only saw the last couple.
On the phone she just screamed a long hysterical tirade of mean nasty words, I caught "you finagling little bitch, how dare you come to my house and leave that up on my computer, I'm done with you, don't you ever come over here again", blah, blah. Apparently she had been obsessing about the clean up of hoarding downstairs also and I was told that she blamed it on me and thought I was the one who planned it. So the blog didn't help nor did the fact that we booked a vacation rental for when my sister comes to visit without consulting her. The sad thing is we were going to take her on a mother daughter spa day when we were there.
So I have been mulling over the years of verbal, mental and physical abuse from her. I realise I am just done. After your entire family has an intervention with you and asks you to get help - and you won't - there isn't much left. (Going to counseling for a few appointments and not owning your own crap doesn't count. )
There is a limit. I just reached mine. It's funny her counselor said the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. I understand what that means now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ouch. I am so sorry. That couldn't have been easy. I just cannot imagine. I really can't. Keep posting, and don't censor yourself!
Thank goodness you're back! I've tried to check in on you a couple of times this week, and was blocked. I'm so glad it was this bump, and not forever-
Well, I'm sorry about your Mom, BUT, you are right: she needs to own this disorder and the chaos it causes in her family's lives. Your counselor is right about indifference. It actually shows that you're past caring. When you hate, you still care. You have to take care of yourself and your family first. I know you love your Dad, but at some point, if he wants his own world to change, he has to step up to the plate and dictate some rules about the house to your Mom. He has to direct her to counseling, not you. That's too much for you to take on.
I'm sorry she said such hurtful things to you. Just consider that she is ill, and were she well, she wouldn't say those hateful things to you. I'm not excusing her, but I don't want you to think that those things have any importance to you or any truth in them.
So glad to hear you & your honey had a date night and you could kick up your heels-- literally!!
many hugs to you!!
I'm glad you're back. Good for you for taking a "date night". Thanks for the comment that you can relate. It's harder to focus on this round of P2 for whatever reason.
I have run-in's with my mother too but for different reasons. I know she wants what is best for me but I am too wrapped up in listening to what she thinks is best for me and trying to please her. I'm having some distance from her now but I don't think my issues with my mother are anywhere near the same extent to what you're having to deal with or have dealt with. I feel for you. And you know what, sometimes you have to say you're done and that's it. If it boils down to indifference being the only way you can cope with her then that's for the best.
Let's get our resolve back and start up P2 and go strong and fierce this round! We're worth it.
Thanks guys! I missed all of u too. I only blocked my blog for a few days to collect myself and make some decisions. I love to blog so I am not letting it go especially in the middle of my round.
Good job for taking care of you and recognizing what you need- and dancing sounds like so much fun-and glad you're back!